Running on a treadmill. You're running but it's not taking you anywhere

 Escaping the pain. At times we wanna run away, hide, disappear from whatever it is that may be plaquing us. When I was in a more dependant situation I would try and do that but I wasn’t able to fully get away I would leave the hostile and violent environment of my house to deal we the hostile and violent environment of the streets. I was a victim in the house and a victimizer outside of it. Redistributing the pain I was feeling so that other people would feel just as bad as me. I guess misery really does love company.

Few people understand and fewer people want to understand. The mindset that is, of someone who is damaged beyond any bandageable repairs. The only person who can fix that is us but the issue might be the options we’ve created for ourselves. When you're a child all the things you deal with are for the most part in the control of the adults in your life. Teacher, coaches, parents, aunts, uncle, pretty much everybody. As you get older you become more autonomous which is good obviously but it gives you an option that's good on face value but bad in the long run. Run.

Running from the pain is what's messing you up the most. When things don't go right I make it go away. Ehh not really, I'm just away from it. If I don't like what's going on I remove myself from it all a whole because I have the option to do so. I broke up with my girl and it hurts, so I’m gonna run into the arms of another woman so I don't feel this nasty feeling I'm feeling. 

The problem is I'm not even looking at why I'm feeling this way i just don't want to feel this way. I mean who wants to feel like shit? Nobody. The thing about it is the avoidance of the struggle doesn't let our wings grow. Numbing your wounds doesn’t make the wound go away it just makes it seem as if it's not there, but how long can you last while you're bleeding out but you can’t tell because the novocaine is in full effect.

Running towards discomfort is the best way to get rid of it. I don’t mean full-on sprint but possibly just a jog. Shit maybe even walk towards it, but to think something is gonna go away without acknowledging what happened is like eating food and expecting your neighbor to shit it out. 

There's a story about the cocoon that I always think about that's given me clarity throughout the years. There was a little both watching a butterfly try and break themselves out of a cocoon. The butterfly tried and tried, struggling more and more. Hours passed by and the boy, still looking attentively at the butterfly, tried to get out. The boy got fed up. That’s it he said to himself I’m helping this butterfly get out of this cocoon so he can be free and fly away. I’m gonna be the hero the boy said to himself. So he grabbed some scissors and snipped the cocoon open. The butterfly falls out, the boy thing yay I did it “fly butterfly fly”. Minutes pass by and the butterfly struggles to take flight. Not more than a second of flapping its wings and it’d fall hitting everything around. The butterfly died. The butterfly needed resistance of the cocoon in order for the strength of his wings to be developed enough to fly.

Sometimes the things that we think are holding us back or down are actually the things that we need in order to evolve and adapt into the best versions of ourselves. So next time the thought of avoiding running or hiding from a situation crosses your mind just think, am I
just trying to get out of my cocoon?